The Mel Robbins Podcast

PSYCHOLOGICAL TRICKS To Boost Your Influence, Income, and Impact TODAY! | The Mel Robbins Podcast

Order your copy of The Let Them Theory 👉 https://melrob.co/let-them-theory 👈 The #1 Best Selling Book of 2025 🔥 Discover how much power you truly have. It all begins with two simple words. Let Them. — Buckle up and get ready to take notes because this episode is a masterclass. The tools you’re about to learn will help you become more #confident, #influential, and even make more #money. Today, we’re talking about The “It” Factor. Some people just seem to have IT, right? When I think of The It Factor, people like Oprah, The Rock, Taylor Swift, the Dalai Lama, and Martin Luther King, Jr. come to mind. These people make you want to lean in, join in, and learn more. So today we’re asking… What is “It” that some people have that makes us automatically trust and like them? And, more importantly, how can you get it? Here to answer that question is Vanessa Van Edwards, a best-selling author, researcher, and founder of the behavior lab The @ScienceOfPeople. I cannot wait for you to dig into what she has researched. Turns out The It Factor has another name: #charisma. And the good news? YOU can learn how to have charisma, starting today. You’re going to want to. Research finds that charismatic people are more influential, earn a higher income, and have a bigger impact at work, in their communities, and in their relationships. The secret to hacking it? Social cues, like body language and the way you speak. That’s why today’s episode is a masterclass. It's jam-packed with simple, tactical research and tools that will help you and anyone you care about develop the skill of charisma. And you deserve that. Xo Mel In this episode, you'll learn: - Exactly what charisma is and why it matters. - The qualities of a charismatic person - Why high achievers can’t just rely on their intelligence - Why you don’t have to be an extrovert to be charismatic - What highly competent people are missing. - What highly warm people are missing. - The reason why you keep getting passed over for that promotion - Why a second impression is as important as the first - Shocking research from Princeton about how people size you up - A simple test that will help you figure out how charismatic you are - How upspeak diminishes other people’s confidence in you - And a simple way to start training yourself to stop - Why you never want to fake smile - Multiple tools you can start using today to build your charisma In this episode: 00:00 Intro 00:40 Introducing Vanessa Van Edwards 03:26 Definition: What is charisma and why it matters 26:34 Tool: How to figure how charismatic you are 31:35 Key Concept: Competence cues you need to know to be more charismatic 50:47 Mistakes that introverts make when it comes to body language (and warmth and competence cues you can do instead) 1:08:22 Top 5 signs someone is nervous 1:11:54 How to display charisma and being more influential on zoom calls 1:14:09 Key Concept: Verbal cues introverts can do to be more influential 1:21:30 How to be more charismatic via email 1:32:50 Key Concept: 5 silent cues to command respect — Follow Mel: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/melrobbins/ TikTok: http://tiktok.com/@melrobbins Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/melrobbins LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/melrobbins Website: http://melrobbins.com — Sign up for Mel’s newsletter: https://melrob.co/sign-up-newsletter A note from Mel to you, twice a week, sharing simple, practical ways to build the life you want. — Subscribe to Mel’s channel here: https://www.youtube.com/melrobbins?sub_confirmation=1 — Listen to The Mel Robbins Podcast 🎧 New episodes drop every Monday & Thursday! https://melrob.co/spotify https://melrob.co/applepodcasts https://melrob.co/amazonmusic — Looking for Mel’s books on Amazon? Find them here: The Let Them Theory: https://amzn.to/3IQ21Oe The Let Them Theory Audiobook: https://amzn.to/413SObp The High 5 Habit: https://amzn.to/3fMvfPQ The 5 Second Rule: https://amzn.to/4l54fah

Mel RobbinshostVanessa Van Edwardsguest

Nov 30, 20221h 40mWatch on YouTube ↗

WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT

Charisma Science: Simple Cues To Instantly Boost Influence And Income

Mel Robbins interviews behavioral investigator Vanessa Van Edwards about the science of charisma—defined as the visible balance of warmth (trust/likability) and competence (capability/power).
They explain that 82% of how others judge you—online and offline—comes from whether you signal warmth and competence through cues in your body language, voice, words, and appearance.
Charisma is framed as a learnable skill, not a personality trait, and they break down specific research-backed behaviors that increase perceived trustworthiness, influence, and professional respect.
The conversation covers how to diagnose your current signals, practical tweaks for Zoom, email, dating, and work, and how to avoid “danger zone” cues that make you seem cold, weak, or inauthentic.

IDEAS WORTH REMEMBERING

5 ideas

Charisma is a skill, not a personality trait.

Research shows highly charismatic people are simply very good at consistently signaling warmth (trust, likability) and competence (ability, power). You don’t need to be extroverted or naturally confident; you can learn the specific cues that project both.

Warmth and competence drive 82% of how people judge you.

From first impressions to emails and Zoom calls, people rapidly decide “Can I trust you?” and “Can I rely on you?” based on your visible signals of warmth and competence, not your actual intentions or intelligence.

Master the first 10 seconds: hands visible, proper distance, no uptalk.

On video or in-person, show your hands immediately (wave or small gesture), sit about 1.5 feet from the camera, and avoid upward “question” inflection on statements—especially your name, role, or salary expectations—because it signals self-doubt and triggers scrutiny.

Use body and vocal cues to intentionally project warmth or competence.

Warmth cues include real smiles (eyes engaged), slow triple nods, slight head tilt, vocalizations (“mm,” “wow,” “oh”), and gentle eye contact. Competence cues include lower, steady tone, downward inflection on key points, purposeful hand gestures that match your words, and strong, aligned posture toward the other person or camera.

Audit your current charisma and blind spots with feedback and recording.

Take Vanessa’s charisma quiz yourself and have others take it “as you,” then compare results; also record a Zoom call and code your gestures, voice, and facial expressions to see where you under-signal warmth or competence, or use nervous/danger-zone cues.

WORDS WORTH SAVING

5 quotes

Charisma, more than any other attribute, is the single most important aspect of you being successful.

— Vanessa Van Edwards

You can be the warmest, most competent person in the world, but if you don’t show those signals, the world does not believe you.

— Vanessa Van Edwards

Your warmth and competence tell the world how they should treat you.

— Vanessa Van Edwards

If you are too focused on being liked, your need to be liked is getting in the way of your need to be respected.

— Vanessa Van Edwards

You are unintentionally sending signals and cues to people right now.

— Mel Robbins

Definition of charisma as a balance of warmth and competenceCharisma as a learnable skill independent of introversion/extroversionWarmth and competence cues in body language, voice, and facial expressionsFirst 10 seconds on Zoom or in-person: what to do and avoidDiagnosing your own blind spots, awkwardness, and lying/nervous tellsUsing language and emails to trigger connection, motivation, and respectCharisma in specific contexts: dating, leadership, handling disrespect

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