The Mel Robbins Podcast

Repairing a Broken Relationship: It’s Not Too Late | The Mel Robbins Podcast

Order your copy of The Let Them Theory 👉 https://melrob.co/let-them-theory 👈 The #1 Best Selling Book of 2025 🔥 Discover how much power you truly have. It all begins with two simple words. Let Them. — In this episode, you are going to learn that it is never too late to try to repair a broken or difficult #relationship. The research shows that #estrangement is not only on the rise but that the majority of us have at least one extended family member or friend who is estranged. I know this is true in my extended family, and I also have friends who are estranged from their parents. Whether you’re the person who has cut off contact or if you're the one sitting there wondering why someone you love did, our episode today will give you the language, tools, and context to start moving towards understanding and #healing. Dr. Joshua Coleman (@dr.joshuacoleman4216) is a #psychologist and best-selling author who works with families to repair broken bonds and help them reconcile and improve difficult or estranged relationships. In fact, according to Dr. Coleman, the strategies he is sharing with you work, and the statistics are in your favor. I hope you share this with anyone you know who is dealing with a difficult relationship. It is very common, especially after a divorce and even when someone has a new spouse or significant other. When someone you love suddenly pulls away or cuts you out of their life, you need tools and a playbook for how to reach out, exactly what to say (and not to say), and when you need to stop reaching out. Today you’ll learn: - Why estrangement is on the rise - How some therapists are encouraging estrangement - What to do if you’re the sibling - The role that mental illness, addiction, divorce, and new spouses play - The #1 reason Dr. Coleman sees adult children as estranged parents is due to divorce between parents. Xo, Mel In this episode: 00:00 Intro 01:42 The silent epidemic that’s happening right now is estrangement. 03:13 What is estrangement? 10:22 The horrible advice for estrangement Dr. Coleman got in therapy. 16:52 What moving towards a child's trauma looks like 18:48 The most common complaint adult children have for their parents 22:32 One of the most common pathways to estrangement 24:45 The most common mistakes estranged parents make 29:53 Why radical acceptance is a required step in reconnecting 33:51 Let’s unpack why guilt doesn’t work. 38:34 What to do when reconciliation isn’t desired by the other person 40:55 What are the steps towards reconciliation? 44:02 Why Dr. Coleman says that parents have a moral obligation to take the high road 52:47 What is an amends letter, and how should you write it? 55:54 What to do if you’re the sibling 1:02:05 When you should stop reaching out for reconciliation 1:06:51 The hopeful message you need to leave with — Follow Mel: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/melrobbins/ TikTok: http://tiktok.com/@melrobbins Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/melrobbins LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/melrobbins Website: http://melrobbins.com — Sign up for Mel’s newsletter: https://melrob.co/sign-up-newsletter A note from Mel to you, twice a week, sharing simple, practical ways to build the life you want. — Subscribe to Mel’s channel here: https://www.youtube.com/melrobbins?sub_confirmation=1 — Listen to The Mel Robbins Podcast 🎧 New episodes drop every Monday & Thursday! https://melrob.co/spotify https://melrob.co/applepodcasts https://melrob.co/amazonmusic — Looking for Mel’s books on Amazon? Find them here: The Let Them Theory: https://amzn.to/3IQ21Oe The Let Them Theory Audiobook: https://amzn.to/413SObp The High 5 Habit: https://amzn.to/3fMvfPQ The 5 Second Rule: https://amzn.to/4l54fah

Mel RobbinshostDr. Joshua Colemanguest

Jul 13, 20231h 13mWatch on YouTube ↗

WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT

How To Heal Estrangement: Repairing Broken Family Bonds With Empathy

Mel Robbins interviews psychologist and estrangement expert Dr. Joshua Coleman about the rising phenomenon of family estrangement, especially between parents and adult children.
They explore why estrangement is becoming more common, including cultural shifts toward individualism, expanding definitions of harm, divorce dynamics, and unhelpful therapy or social media narratives.
Coleman explains common mistakes estranged parents make when seeking reconciliation and outlines a counterintuitive, research-backed approach centered on radical acceptance, empathy, and responsibility-taking.
The conversation emphasizes that most estrangements eventually reconcile, and offers practical tools like amends letters and boundary-respecting behavior for anyone hoping to repair a broken relationship.

IDEAS WORTH REMEMBERING

5 ideas

Estrangement is common, growing, and often misunderstood.

Studies suggest roughly a quarter of families experience estrangement, particularly between parents and adult children, and both Mel and Dr. Coleman believe the real numbers are even higher, making it a “silent epidemic.”

Cultural focus on individual happiness has weakened family obligation norms.

Shifts from “honor thy parents” to “protect your mental health at all costs” and ideas like ‘chosen family’ and ‘toxic cutoffs’ have normalized estrangement as a legitimate or even virtuous choice, sometimes without sufficient nuance.

Parents’ instinctive reactions usually make estrangement worse.

Common errors—demanding fairness, using guilt, firing back in anger, personalizing every distance, and underestimating how long reconciliation takes—tend to confirm the adult child’s decision to stay away.

Reconciliation requires parents to lead with responsibility, not defense.

Coleman urges parents to stop explaining, correcting, or blaming, and instead practice radical acceptance, seek to understand the child’s perspective, and explicitly validate that the child believes distance is healthiest for them.

A short, courageous amends letter can open doors.

Effective letters are brief, non-defensive, and specific: they acknowledge the child’s complaints, accept responsibility without excuses or “if I hurt you” language, express empathy for the impact, and invite further sharing without pressure.

WORDS WORTH SAVING

5 quotes

There’s a lot more you can do wrong than you can do right when you’re trying to reconcile.

— Dr. Joshua Coleman

Stop explaining, stop defending, stop blaming, and respect where they’re coming from.

— Dr. Joshua Coleman

Parents are parents forever. Our responsibility doesn’t end when we die.

— Dr. Joshua Coleman

If I side with anybody in this session, it’s going to be with your adult child.

— Dr. Joshua Coleman

It must be a profoundly painful and humbling thing to say, ‘This is so important to me that I’m going to be the leader in this process.’

— Mel Robbins

Definition and prevalence of estrangement in families and cultureCultural shifts from duty to self-focus and their impact on family tiesCommon pathways into estrangement (divorce, partners, therapy, boundaries)Typical mistakes estranged parents make when trying to reconnectThe reconciliation process and role of radical acceptance and empathyHow to write an effective amends letterMoral obligations and mutual compassion between parents and adult children

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