The Surprising Psychology Behind the Secrets Everyone Keeps | The Mel Robbins Podcast

ℹ️ EPISODE INFO

Released

August 31, 2023

Duration

1h 12m

Channel

The Mel Robbins Podcast

Watch on YouTube

▶ Open ↗

📝 EPISODE DESCRIPTION

Order your copy of The Let Them Theory 👉 https://melrob.co/let-them-theory 👈 The #1 Best Selling Book of 2025 🔥 Discover how much power you truly have. It all begins with two simple words. Let Them. — In today’s episode, you and I are discussing the fascinating science of secrets: why you keep them and how keeping secrets directly impacts your relationships, your self-esteem, your health, and holds you back from living the life you deserve. Dr. Michael Slepian is a bestselling author, psychologist, associate professor of leadership and ethics at Columbia Business School, and former scholar at Stanford. He has been researching #secrets for over a decade and will help you understand what secrets are, why we keep them, and the harm of holding them inside. Dr. Slepian's research is shocking: studies prove you are keeping 13 secrets right now. Five of which you’ve never told a single person. Not your mom. Not your best friend. No one. Even more shocking is the impact they have on your life. My mission today is to help you free yourself of the burden of secrets. Listen, and you’ll understand how the secrets we have shape our physical and psychological well-being, who we are, how we connect with others, and how we cope with our challenges. You will also learn:

• The most common secret that 61% of you are keeping right now
• Why you always feel shame, isolation, and uncertainty when you keep a secret
• The fundamental difference between secrecy and privacy, and why privacy is better for your health and relationships
• Why the shame of secrecy kills your self-esteem
• How to use guilt to get rid of shame (yup)
• How babies learn to keep secrets from their parents and caregivers
• The one person you should REALLY tell your secret to

Keeping a secret is the easy part; the hard part is having to live with it. Let’s change that today. Xo Mel In this episode: 00:00 Intro 02:27 The jaw-dropping secret that inspired this conversation today 10:39 Curious about the kinds of secrets people keep? Here are the top 10. 13:56 How exactly do we define a secret? 16:16 Are there any good secrets? 19:02 Keeping the secret isn’t the hard part; the hardest part is this. 23:28 Listen to the secrets my listeners revealed. Recognize yourself? 27:22 Some secrets are no big deal, but we make them big in our heads. 30:06 So what’s the difference between privacy and a secret? 32:46 Here’s how to frame a mistake instead of feeling shame. 36:28 Here’s what parents should say when their kids admit a secret to them. 41:03 What do you say when friends keep you out of the group? 43:52 How do you tell your partner that you’re having an emotional affair? 49:07 What about traumatic family secrets? 55:47 Choose the person who is your "coping compass" wisely. 01:01:56 Questions you can ask anyone to develop a closer relationship 01:08:12 Here’s my hardest memory and what I realize about it now. #research #secret — Follow Mel: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/melrobbins/ TikTok: http://tiktok.com/@melrobbins Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/melrobbins LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/melrobbins Website: http://melrobbins.com​ — Sign up for Mel’s newsletter: https://melrob.co/sign-up-newsletter A note from Mel to you, twice a week, sharing simple, practical ways to build the life you want. — Subscribe to Mel’s channel here: https://www.youtube.com/melrobbins​?sub_confirmation=1 — Listen to The Mel Robbins Podcast 🎧 New episodes drop every Monday & Thursday! https://melrob.co/spotify https://melrob.co/applepodcasts https://melrob.co/amazonmusic — Looking for Mel’s books on Amazon? Find them here: The Let Them Theory: https://amzn.to/3IQ21Oe The Let Them Theory Audiobook: https://amzn.to/413SObp The High 5 Habit: https://amzn.to/3fMvfPQ The 5 Second Rule: https://amzn.to/4l54fah

🎤 SPEAKERS

• Mel Robbins

  host

• Dr. Michael Slepian

  guest

• Narrator

  other

🧾 EPISODE SUMMARY

In this episode of The Mel Robbins Podcast, featuring Mel Robbins and Dr. Michael Slepian, The Surprising Psychology Behind the Secrets Everyone Keeps | The Mel Robbins Podcast explores secrets’ Hidden Weight: How Concealing Truth Quietly Destroys Your Life Mel Robbins interviews psychologist and researcher Dr. Michael Slepian about the psychology of secrets: why we keep them, how many we typically have, and how they impact mental health, self-esteem, and relationships.

🔗 RELATED EPISODES

How to Eliminate Self-Doubt Forever & Build Unshakeable Confidence

The Reality of Adult Friendship: Here’s Why You’re Lonely & How to Make Real Friends as an Adult

Harvard Business School Professor: This One Research Study Will Change Your Life and Career

Eat THIS to Live Longer, Stay Young, and Transform Your Health

Surprising Signs of Anxiety and How to Heal It | The Mel Robbins Podcast

You’ll Never See Your Family the Same After This Episode