Modern WisdomThe Brutal Truth About Female Attraction - Macken Murphy
At a glance
WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT
Uncomfortable Truths About Attraction, Status, Sex, and Modern Mating Markets
- Chris Williamson and evolutionary psychologist Macken Murphy dissect research on female preferences for penis size, male physique, body count, and partner status, highlighting how ideal preferences often differ from real-world choices. They explore how men and women systematically misread each other’s desires, how bodybuilding and fashion cultures optimize for in-group status rather than opposite-sex attraction, and why highly successful women increasingly face ‘tall girl problem’ dynamics in the dating market.
- They review data showing that higher numbers of sexual partners strongly predict infidelity and worse long-term relationship outcomes for both sexes, while chastity or virginity are far less valued than looks or normal social adjustment. The conversation also tackles hyperandry (men marrying up), the psychological asymmetries of non-monogamy, and speculative evolutionary explanations for homosexuality such as the ‘rich gay uncle’ hypothesis.
- Throughout, they emphasize the gap between online red-pill narratives and actual data: successful men generally pair with successful women, women’s ideal preferences are flexible in practice, and many popular mating tropes collapse under empirical scrutiny.
IDEAS WORTH REMEMBERING
5 ideasWomen’s ideal penis size is larger than average and often larger than their experience.
In the Prowse 3D-model study, women chose ~6.3–6.4 inches in length and ~4.8–5 inches in girth as ideal—sizes at roughly the 95th percentile—despite most reporting they’d never actually encountered that size, highlighting the difference between fantasy ideals and typical real-life partners.
Men systematically overestimate their own size and misread what’s ‘average’.
Men overreport penis length by about 20%, while a meta-analysis puts true average erect length at ~5.16 inches; this fuels confusion about what counts as large, average, or small, and distorts both male insecurity and female reporting.
Women prefer lean and muscular—but not bodybuilding-lean—and care about formidability and health more than extreme leanness.
Studies using DXA images suggest women’s preferred male body fat is around 13–14%, with visible upper abs but not stage-lean; beyond that, men can look unhealthy or less formidable, explaining why transformations like Olly Murs’ very shredded look are often less attractive to women than gym bros expect.
High body count robustly predicts higher infidelity and worse long-term outcomes for both sexes.
Across large datasets, people with more than roughly five past partners have about double the infidelity rate of those with fewer, and higher counts correlate with higher sociosexuality, more relationship dissatisfaction, and more divorce—dispelling the idea that ‘getting it out of your system’ is protective.
Most men and women don’t prefer virgins; extreme low experience can signal maladjustment.
Recent work (e.g., Thomas & Stewart-Williams) finds both sexes rate very low but non-zero partner counts (1–4) as most attractive, while true virginity scores similarly to relatively high counts (e.g., 6+), likely because it raises questions about social normality, religion, or future sexual compatibility.
WORDS WORTH SAVING
5 quotesIdeal mate preferences always have this, I won’t say cartoonish, but kind of fanciful angle to them, where they often can’t be met in any reasonable way when you consider all of them at once.
— Macken Murphy
A relationship is essentially one long podcast. That’s what it is. It’s one big conversation for the rest of time.
— Chris Williamson
The people who love to have casual sex and sleep with lots of people and hop from relationship to relationship… those people are less likely to succeed in long-term monogamous pair bonds than people who do not like doing that.
— Macken Murphy
There is no conceivable future where anyone is going to put the brakes on women’s economic gains… so the options for the mating market are adapt or don’t pair up.
— Macken Murphy
It will never be easier to get you to do the shit that you need to do than when you are compelled to do it. So fucking send it.
— Chris Williamson
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