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Origin Story w/ David McIntosh JrOrigin Story w/ David McIntosh Jr

How To Build Your Life After Tragedy - Michael Smoak (HigherUp Wellness)

Michael Smoak / @higherupwellness is a coach, creator, podcaster and online voice known for helping people turn pain into purpose through faith, fitness, discipline and brutally honest conversations about grief, masculinity and healing. In this episode of Origin Story, Michael sits down with David McIntosh Jr in Long Beach, California for a deeply honest and surprisingly life-affirming conversation about grief, faith, heartbreak, masculinity, death, purpose, family, emotional expression, and what it really means to become a man. From caring for his dying father, to processing young parental grief, to rebuilding his life through faith and service, Michael explains how the worst thing that ever happened to him became the foundation for his work, his message and his relationship with God. David and Michael also explore the “Dead Parents Under 30 Club”, why men struggle to talk about heartbreak, the danger of suppressing emotion, the difference between real strength and performative toughness, and why “you only live once” might be the wrong way to look at life. This is a raw, emotional and powerful conversation about grief, God, love, letting go, and learning how to turn pain into purpose before it breaks you. Follow David McIntosh Jr: Instagram: @davidmcintoshjr Follow Michael Smoake: Instagram/TikTok: @higherupwellness Sponsored by Neutonic — the nootropic drink designed for focus, energy and getting stuff done. Use code DAVID at checkout.

David McIntosh JrhostMichael Smoakguest
May 26, 202652mWatch on YouTube ↗

At a glance

WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT

Turning grief into purpose through faith, service, and presence daily

  1. Smoak frames suffering as an opportunity to consciously “alchemize” pain into growth, drawing on Carl Jung, scripture (James 1:2–4), and the discipline of non-negotiables during grief.
  2. They explore young parental loss as a uniquely destabilizing experience that accelerates maturity, clarifies what matters, and reshapes decision-making around risk and regret.
  3. Smoak describes caregiving for his dying father as a lesson in humility, service, and providence, emphasizing “there’s no room for pride” when love requires practical sacrifice.
  4. The conversation contrasts elective hardship (cold plunges, challenges) with “unelective strength” forged through unavoidable tragedy, arguing that real strength is often quiet and undocumented.
  5. They offer practical guidance on heartbreak and grief: fully feel emotions rather than suppress them, avoid turning love into manipulation, and choose empowering language and memories over narratives of scarcity.

IDEAS WORTH REMEMBERING

5 ideas

Suffering becomes destiny when kept unconscious; meaning comes from choice.

Smoak uses Jung’s idea of making the unconscious conscious to argue that pain can either harden you or be deliberately converted into growth, wisdom, and service.

Grief can reveal capacity—your worst state becomes proof of strength.

Continuing to train, coach, and keep “non-negotiables” while grieving taught Smoak he can function under extreme stress, raising the ceiling for what’s possible in peak states.

Young parental loss recalibrates priorities toward presence and love.

Hearing what his father regretted (not more work, but more present time) pushes Smoak toward “emptying the tank” through fully lived experiences and deeper relationships.

Most “risk” is psychological once basic safety is met.

With mortality salient, Smoak reframes risk as narratives the brain creates for safety; if food/shelter and physical safety are covered, many fears are perceived rather than real.

Caregiving dismantles pride and forms mature character through service.

Helping his father with intimate needs was emotionally complex but clarifying—love demanded humility, and the experience deepened his sense of duty and gratitude.

WORDS WORTH SAVING

5 quotes

"Un- until you make the unconscious conscious, it will guide your life, and you will call it fate."

— Michael Smoak

"We belong to a club. It's a specific club, and it's a shitty club, and you and I, David, both belong to it. It's the Dead Parents Under 30 Club, and it sucks."

— Michael Smoak

"The best lesson it ever taught me is just, "Fuck it. We're gonna die." Like, do what you want. Be present. Love on people hard. Love hard. Live fully. Empty the tank on your life."

— Michael Smoak

"There's no room for that anymore. There's no room for pride."

— Michael Smoak

"When I can see my image in it."

— Michael Smoak

Alchemizing pain into purposeYoung parental grief and mortality frameworksCaregiving, humility, and serviceElective vs unelective strengthFaith as surrender vs controlProcessing heartbreak and masculine emotional expressionMemory, language, and choosing what to commemorate

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