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The Curiosity Shop with Brené Brown and Adam GrantThe Curiosity Shop with Brené Brown and Adam Grant

Brené and Adam on What They Will Never Agree On

Welcome to The Curiosity Shop! In the inaugural episode, Brené and Adam discuss how a public disagreement about authenticity almost ended their relationship before it began. For the first time, they discuss where they went wrong, why they changed their minds about each other, and what they learned about repair and trust. They also explore what healthy authenticity looks like, and dive into the many things they may still never fully see eye to eye on – from email vs. texting to remote work to faith. 0:00 Introduction 8:10 Our First Disagreement 25:50 Our Path Here 34:28 How to Repair an Apology 52:59 Closing Question Unless You’re Oprah, ‘Be Yourself’ Is Terrible Advice - Adam Grant 2016 NYT Op-Ed https://www.nytimes.com/2016/06/05/opinion/sunday/unless-youre-oprah-be-yourself-is-terrible-advice.html#:~:text=But%20for%20most%20people%2C%20%E2%80%9Cbe,that%20are%20better%20left%20unspoken. The Fine Line Between Helpful and Harmful Authenticity - Adam Grant 2020 NYT https://www.nytimes.com/2020/04/10/smarter-living/the-fine-line-between-helpful-and-harmful-authenticity.html Authenticity Is a Double-Edged Sword - Adam Grant 2020 WorkLife with Adam Grant Podcast https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/authenticity-is-a-double-edged-sword/id1346314086?i=1000470721542 My response to Adam Grant’s New York Times Op/ED: Unless You’re Oprah, ‘Be Yourself’ Is Terrible Advice - Brené Brown LinkedIn 2016 https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/my-response-adam-grants-new-york-times-oped-unless-youre-bren%C3%A9-brown/ The Dangers of Being Authentic - Adam Grant LinkedIn 2016 https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/dangers-being-authentic-adam-grant In Tough Times, Psychological Safety Is a Requirement, Not a Luxury - Michael Blanding 2025 HBR https://hbr.org/2025/11/in-tough-times-psychological-safety-is-a-requirement-not-a-luxury Jecker & Landy: Liking a person as a function of doing him a favour - Jecker & Landy 1969 APA PsycNet https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1970-08381-001 Adam Grant on The Power of Knowing What You Don’t Know - Brené Brown and Adam Grant 2021 Dare To Lead Podcast https://brenebrown.com/podcast/brene-with-adam-grant-on-the-power-of-knowing-what-you-dont-know/ Brené Brown on What Vulnerability Isn’t - Adam Grant and Brené Brown 2023 Re: Thinking Ted Audio Collective https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uXVhDSBiZCI A Whole New Mind (Right-Brainers will Rule the Future) - Daniel H. Pink 2005 Book https://www.danpink.com/books/whole-new-mind/ The Neuroscience of You: How Every Brain Is Different and How to Understand Yours - Chantel Prat 2022 Book https://www.libraryjournal.com/review/the-neuroscience-of-you-how-every-brain-is-different-and-how-to-understand-yours-1788635 Dr. Harriet Lerner on I’m Sorry: How to Apologize and Why It Matters, Part 1 of 2 - Brené Brown and Dr. Harriet Lerner 2020 Unlocking Us Podcast https://brenebrown.com/podcast/harriet-lerner-and-brene-im-sorry-how-to-apologize-why-it-matters-part-1-of-2/ Happy Gilmore Scene - I’m Stupid You’re Smart - Happy Gilmore 1996 Movie https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=edyVNlo5uW0 Shame and Guilt - June Price Tangney 2002 Book https://www.amazon.com/Shame-Guilt-Emotions-Social-Behavior/dp/1572309873 Daniel Kahneman: Doesn't Trust Your Intuition - Adam Grant and Daniel Kahneman 2021 Re:Thinking https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/daniel-kahneman-doesnt-trust-your-intuition/id1554567118?i=1000513178386 But yes, Blue Jays are master mimics https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8gmVOMEhMj8

Brené BrownhostAdam Granthost
Mar 18, 202657mWatch on YouTube ↗

At a glance

WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT

Brown and Grant unpack disagreement, authenticity, and the art of repair

  1. Brown and Grant identify likely permanent disagreements—especially evidence versus lived experience, and faith versus provability—while modeling how to stay connected amid difference.
  2. They revisit their first major conflict: Grant’s 2016 “be yourself” piece that quoted Brown’s authenticity definition out of context, which Brown experienced as weaponization of her work.
  3. Brown clarifies her view that authenticity and vulnerability require boundaries and earned trust, particularly in workplaces where power and identity make openness risky.
  4. They dissect what makes an effective apology and repair, emphasizing specificity, acknowledging impact-intention gaps, and committing to behavior change as a relationship skill.
  5. They critique how social-media clipping and oversimplified “soundbite culture” distort complex ideas, arguing for “simplicity on the other side of complexity.”

IDEAS WORTH REMEMBERING

5 ideas

Evidence and experience answer different questions—and the gap needs an owner.

Grant prioritizes evidence over individual experience, while Brown pushes on where research stops being usable “on the ground,” raising the unresolved question of who is responsible for translating theory into real-world practice.

Authenticity is not self-disclosure; it’s bounded, contextual, and relational.

Brown argues authenticity includes boundaries and discernment: “Be yourself with people who’ve earned the right to see you,” especially in environments where power dynamics make openness costly.

Misquoting or decontextualizing emotionally resonant work can become ‘weaponization.’

Brown describes how single-line takeaways (“be vulnerable,” “psychological safety”) get internalized, reinterpreted, and redeployed in ways the original researchers never intended—creating harm and backlash at scale.

Strong apologies are specific, impact-aware, and paired with course correction.

They highlight apology elements Brown praises in Grant: naming the action, acknowledging likely impact, distinguishing intention from impact, taking ownership, and stating how you will change going forward.

Refusing to apologize can reflect culture as much as character.

Grant frames apology refusal as narcissism; Brown complicates it by pointing to shame-bound families and honor/shame cultures where wrongdoing collapses into “I am wrong,” making repair feel identity-threatening.

WORDS WORTH SAVING

5 quotes

I will always trust the evidence over experience—if I have to choose.

Adam Grant

Be yourself with people who’ve earned the right to see yourself… Share your story with people who’ve earned the right to hear your story.

Brené Brown

Vulnerability minus boundaries is inappropriate disclosure.

Brené Brown

There was a gap between my intention and my impact. I see that. I apologize for it. I own it. I will course correct.

Brené Brown (describing Grant’s apology pattern)

For the simplicity on this side of complexity, I wouldn’t give you a fig… but for the simplicity on the other side of complexity, for that I would give you anything I have.

Oliver Wendell Holmes (quoted by both)

Research evidence vs lived experienceReturn-to-work debates and controlled variablesFaith, proof, and openness to mysteryAuthenticity with boundaries and earned trustWeaponization/misuse of popularized ideasRepair and apology mechanicsComplex simplicity vs naive simplicity (soundbites)

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