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The Curiosity Shop with Brené Brown and Adam GrantThe Curiosity Shop with Brené Brown and Adam Grant

BS Disclaimers, Invisible Armies, and the Importance of the Words We Choose

Brené and Adam discuss the power — and peril — of the words we choose. They dive into two Machiavellian communication tools that often do more harm than good: the "Invisible Army" and "BS Disclaimers". Brené explains why leading with “we” or “but” often comes across as requesting permission to escape accountability, which ultimately sacrifices trust more than anything. Adam explores how these tools can sometimes serve as survival strategies in toxic cultures, leading to a conversation on psychological safety, groupthink, and why precision of language is more important than ever — especially in a world that still judges based on gender and identity. You can find The Curiosity Shop on ⁠YouTube⁠ and ⁠Instagram⁠ (@thecuriosityshop). 0:00 - Introduction 1:10 - The Invisible Army 15:23 - Speaking Up and Pluribus 21:26 - ‘But’ or Escaping Accountability? 40:59 - Responsibility Versus Accountability 46:22 - Judgment Based on Gender and Identity 1:01:55 - Takeaways From Today’s Episode Armored Versus Daring Leadership, Part 2 of 2 - Brené Brown, 2021, Dare to Lead (Podcast) https://brenebrown.com/podcast/brene-on-armored-versus-daring-leadership-part-2-of-2/ Getting credit for proactive behavior: Supervisor reactions depend on what you value and how you feel - Grant et al., 2009, Personnel Psychology https://www.researchgate.net/publication/211386766_Getting_credit_for_proactive_behavior_Supervisor_reactions_depend_on_what_you_value_and_how_you_feel Plur1bus - Gilligan et al., 2025 - Present, Sony Pictures; Apple TV+ (TV series) https://tv.apple.com/us/show/pluribus/umc.cmc.37axgovs2yozlyh3c2cmwzlza Does Performance Improve Following Multisource Feedback? A Theoretical Model, Meta-Analysis, and Review of Empirical Findings - Smither et al., 2005, Personnel Psychology https://leeds-faculty.colorado.edu/dahe7472/Smither%20performance.pdf Feedback effectiveness: Can 360-degree appraisals be improved? - DeNisi et al., 2000, Academy of Management Perspectives https://www.researchgate.net/publication/274753349_Feedback_effectiveness_Can_360-degree_appraisals_be_improved What Makes a 360-Degree Review Successful? - Zenger and Folkman, 2020, Harvard Business Review https://hbr.org/2020/12/what-makes-a-360-degree-review-successful The bullshit asymmetry [sic]: the amount of energy needed to refute bullshit is an order of magnitude bigger - Brandolini, A., 2013, Twitter https://x.com/ziobrando/status/289635060758507521 The power of powerless speech: The effects of speech style and task interdependence on status conferral - Fragale, 2006, Organizational Behavior and Human Decision Processes https://alisonfragale.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/AlisonFragale_PowerofPowerlessSpeach.pdf How Can Women Escape the Compensation Negotiation Dilemma? Relational Accounts Are One Answer - Bowles et al., 2013, Psychology of Women Quarterly https://scispace.com/pdf/how-can-women-escape-the-compensation-negotiation-dilemma-45crtyc15z.pdf Likeable Badass: How Women Get the Success They Deserve - Fragale, 2024, Doubleday https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/712677/likeable-badass-by-alison-fragale-phd/ Strong Ground: The Lessons of Daring Leadership, the Tenacity of Paradox, and the Wisdom of the Human Spirit - Brené Brown, 2025, Random House https://brenebrown.com/book/strong-ground/

Brené BrownhostAdam Granthost
May 6, 20261h 8mWatch on YouTube ↗

At a glance

WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT

How words hide accountability: invisible armies and bullshit disclaimers unpacked

  1. They define the “Invisible Army” as using vague collective claims (“we all think/feel”) to boost leverage while dodging personal ownership, and distinguish it from responsibly reporting observations or aggregated concerns.
  2. They unpack “bullshit disclaimers” (e.g., “not to be rude, but…”) as attempts to pre-empt consequences and shift the burden of managing harm onto the listener.
  3. They connect both patterns to psychological safety, power dynamics, and identity—showing how low-safety cultures and biased evaluations push people toward indirect speech while also making that indirectness costly.
  4. They separate responsibility (internal ownership of one’s actions/words) from accountability (being answerable to others), arguing that healthy conversations require both.
  5. They emphasize nuance: some hedges can be legitimate signals of openness and care, but manipulative hedges and fake collective representation erode trust and intensify groupthink.

IDEAS WORTH REMEMBERING

5 ideas

Drop the royal “we” unless you can name the source and your stance.

Saying “we all think/feel” reads as manipulative or groupthink; instead, use “I’m observing…” or explicitly state who you spoke with and whether you personally agree.

In low psychological safety, represent patterns—don’t impersonate a crowd.

It can be courageous to raise concerns others fear voicing, but do it as an accountable messenger (“Here’s what I’m hearing/seeing”) rather than claiming to speak for everyone’s beliefs.

“Not to be rude/critical, but…” is a responsibility trapdoor.

These openings often signal the speaker expects to be harmful and wants immunity; they also prime defensiveness and make the interaction feel adversarial before content even lands.

Interrupt early to prevent the disclaimer from doing its damage.

They recommend a “preemptive pause”: stop the sentence at the disclaimer and ask for a more productive framing, or inquire why that harmful framing even entered the speaker’s mind.

Use relationship-appropriate interventions: care with insiders, caution with strangers.

With people you trust, lean into curiosity and connection (“Why does ‘tear you down’ come up for you?”); with unknown or unsafe contexts, clearly signal that disclaimers won’t exempt accountability.

WORDS WORTH SAVING

5 quotes

When you start using invisible armies, you are taking small collections of fire and pouring gasoline on them.

— Brené Brown

When someone says, "I don't mean, I don't mean to be critical, but," what they're saying is I'm getting ready to be very critical, and I do not wanna be held accountable for that behavior.

— Brené Brown

Brandolini's bullshit asymmetry principle: The amount of energy needed to refute bullshit is an order of magnitude bigger than to produce it.

— Brené Brown

Responsibility is personal and accountability is interpersonal.

— Adam Grant

This is the gauntlet of bullshit masculinity, is that if I'm direct, I'm an aggressive bitch, and if I hedge and use disclaimers, then I'm wishy-washy and lack executive presence.

— Brené Brown

The “Invisible Army” vs. credible observationsPsychological safety and speaking truth to powerBullshit disclaimers and pre-emptive permission-seekingResponsibility vs. accountability (personal vs. interpersonal)Brandolini’s bullshit asymmetry principleChannel-three listening: care and connectionGender/identity bias and “powerless speech” norms

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