At a glance
WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT
When baby’s tears feel like judgment: seeking proof you’re enough
- Erin describes entering motherhood with a high-achiever mindset—expecting competence, predictability, and quick mastery—then colliding with the uncertainty and “friction” of caring for a newborn.
- Breastfeeding and early sleep realities become key examples of how parental expectations and social pressure can turn normal difficulties into a sense that something is “wrong” with the parent or baby.
- A failed “one-month photo” moment reveals a common hidden plea—“please be nice to me”—where parents seek external proof they are doing a good job and feel personally rejected by typical infant distress.
- The conversation emphasizes that a baby’s crying is not a parental report card, and that love and regulation (sleeping, feeding, calming) are separate—babies can love you and still be inconveniently dysregulated.
- They highlight the protective power of being witnessed (company, not fixing), plus acknowledging partnership strain and identity shifts as normal parts of becoming a parent.
IDEAS WORTH REMEMBERING
5 ideasThe thought “please be nice to me” is about desperation, not your baby’s character.
When parents feel overwhelmed, they can unconsciously ask the baby to provide comfort, reassurance, or validation; naming the thought reduces shame and makes it easier to respond with steadiness.
Baby behavior is not a performance review of your parenting.
Crying, fussing, feeding struggles, and sleep disruption often reflect physiology and development, yet they can feel like grades; separating “my worth” from “my baby’s state” lowers panic and self-blame.
Many early-parenting expectations come from images, not reality.
Erin’s planned one-month photo and assumptions about nursing mirror cultural narratives that newborn life is cute and controllable; expecting messiness helps you interpret hard moments as normal, not alarming.
New parenthood requires surrender and flexibility more than achievement strategies.
Skills that work in school/careers (planning, milestones, certainty) don’t translate cleanly to newborn care; reframing early parenting as a learning curve supports adaptability instead of perfectionism.
What you may need most is to be witnessed, not fixed.
Erin’s longing for her mom was largely a longing for company and validation; asking for someone to “sit with me” can be a practical, attainable form of support when everything feels too big.
WORDS WORTH SAVING
5 quotesI never thought of motherhood as a set of skills. I thought of it as just, like, an innate quality that you are... good at... um, that you just, like, are handed a baby, and you know what to do.
— Erin Schlozman
Because there's no s- there's no certain when you become a parent. There just isn't.
— Erin Schlozman
I was behind the camera hysterically crying, looking at him being like, "Please be nice to me. I don't know what I'm doing. Like, please, like, please be nice to me."
— Erin Schlozman
I think we forget the baby's crying isn't actually our report card.
— Dr. Becky Kennedy
I didn't realize I was in, in a process of something really, um, beautiful and transformative. It just kind of felt like destruction at the time.
— Erin Schlozman
High quality AI-generated summary created from speaker-labeled transcript.
