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Jay Shetty PodcastJay Shetty Podcast

Mel Robbins ON: If You STRUGGLE With Stress & Anxiety, This Will CHANGE Your Life! | Jay Shetty

Today, I am talking to Mel Robbins. Mel is one of the leading voices in personal development and transformation and a New York Times Bestselling author. Her work includes "The High 5 Habit," "The 5 Second Rule," four #1 bestselling audiobooks, the #1 podcast on Audible, as well as signature online courses that have changed the lives of more than half a million students worldwide. Her groundbreaking work on behavior change has been translated into 41 languages and is used by healthcare professionals, veterans’ organizations, and the world’s leading brands to inspire people to be more confident, effective, and fulfilled. This time, Mel generously shares her thoughts on why people are unhappy and steps they can take to find genuine and lasting happiness, how to deal with our inner voice that's focus on negativity, why dreams are called directional signals, and the truth behind the struggles most of us go through as adults. What We Discuss: 00:00:00 Intro 00:04:41 Why am I holding on to the things that are making me unhappy? 00:13:58 The constant drumbeat of negativity 00:21:56 Engaging in your own campaign of misery 00:36:50 Difference between dream and delusion 00:50:04 Parental mismatch 00:57:48 Girls struggle with crippling perfectionism 01:02:21 Confidence is the willingness to try 01:09:53 Why it’s easier to question how somebody’s changing 01:16:19 How to find happiness again 01:21:45 Verbal acknowledgement of the little achievements

Jay Shettyhost
Jan 16, 20231h 26mWatch on YouTube ↗

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At a glance

WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT

Mel Robbins on Ending Campaigns of Misery and Finding Contentment

  1. Mel Robbins says her biggest current challenge is happiness: after years of staying busy to outrun a deep-seated unhappiness, the pandemic forced her to slow down and face a constant drumbeat of negativity she calls a campaign of misery.
  2. She argues that talking yourself out of your dreams is an active, painful process, and that the cure is to get out of the stands and onto the court by taking small daily steps.
  3. Robbins describes dreams as directional signals meant to make something come alive inside you rather than goals to achieve, and Jay Shetty adds that focusing on process over results is what makes a dream meaningful and lasting.
  4. On confidence, Robbins defines it as the willingness to try, recommends a 60% rule and her five-second rule, and links girls' confidence drop at age 13 and perfectionism to puberty and socialization.
  5. Robbins explains that people often resist a loved one's change because it exposes their own patterns, and she recommends staying focused on your own growth, asking leading questions, and acknowledging small wins.

IDEAS WORTH REMEMBERING

5 ideas

Happiness means ending your campaigns of misery

Robbins says that for her, happiness came from identifying where she argued against herself and her potential, and noticing when her mind raced 15 steps ahead of where she was.

Talking yourself out of a dream causes its own pain

Robbins says the dream doesn't go away when you make excuses; the active campaign against it creates pain, which is greater than the pain of tripping on the court.

Dreams are directional signals, not destinations

Robbins believes dreams point you toward something that makes your inner flame burn brighter, so the point is to start walking toward it, not to guarantee an outcome like an Oscar or a stadium tour.

Meaning comes from the trail, not the summit

Using bridge and hiking metaphors, Robbins says meaning comes from working with intention on something important to you, and that the top of one mountain is just the bottom of another.

Confidence is action, not belief

Robbins describes a confidence-competency loop in which trying, even badly, builds confidence, and suggests going for things when you are about 60% qualified or leaning 60/40 toward wanting to do it.

WORDS WORTH SAVING

5 quotes

The purpose of going for a hike, ironically, is not to get to the top. It's to be on the trail.

— Unattributed

You are either in the stands commenting about the game, or you're on the court playing it

— Unattributed

I believe that dreams are not meant to be achieved. I believe that your dreams are a directional signal.

— Unattributed

confidence, at the heart of confidence is action. It's the willingness to try.

— Unattributed

any time I get triggered by someone's lack of growth, it's because I'm triggered by my own lack of growth.

— Jay Shetty

Campaign of misery and happinessBeing in the stands versus on the courtDream versus delusionBridge and trail metaphors for meaningConfidence as willingness to tryParental mismatch and expectationsSupporting others through change

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