Navigating The Dating Market In 2020 | Amanda Kuda | Modern Wisdom Podcast 196

Amanda Kuda is a life & mindset coach. Finding a partner that you're happy with is challenging. Add on layers of Tinder, Instagram, drunken dates & rebound sex and it's amazing that anyone manages to get into a relationship. Expect to learn Amanda's best exercises to truly identify your "type", how to find a partner who is genuinely good for you, the cheat codes for a great first date, why you keep falling for the same type of bad partners, tips for Tinder-effectiveness and much more... Sponsor: Get Surfshark VPN at https://surfshark.deals/MODERNWISDOM (Enter promo code MODERNWISDOM for 85% off and 3 Months Free) Support Modern Wisdom: To support me on Patreon (thank you): https://www.patreon.com/modernwisdom Extra Stuff: Check out Amanda's Mindful Dating Course - https://authenticallyamanda.com/mindfuldating Follow Amanda on Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/authenticallyamanda/ Get my free Ultimate Life Hacks List to 10x your daily productivity → https://chriswillx.com/lifehacks/ #dating #tinder #relationshipadvice - Listen to all episodes online. Search "Modern Wisdom" on any Podcast App or click here: iTunes: https://apple.co/2MNqIgw Spotify: https://spoti.fi/2LSimPn Stitcher: https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/modern-wisdom - Get in touch in the comments below or head to... Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chriswillx Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/chriswillx Email: modernwisdompodcast@gmail.com

Amanda KudaguestChris Williamsonhost

Jul 13, 20201h 16mWatch on YouTube ↗

WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT

Sober, Intentional Dating: Rewiring Patterns In The Modern Market

Chris Williamson and coach Amanda Kuda dissect how alcohol, unexamined patterns, and dating apps undermine modern relationships. They argue that drinking often masks low self-worth and poor emotional regulation, and that dating sober forces people to build real confidence and discernment. Amanda outlines practical frameworks: doing a written inventory of past partners, setting clear standards, using dating apps intentionally, and structuring early dates for genuine connection. The conversation emphasizes self-inquiry, shadow work, and the idea that you are the common denominator in your romantic outcomes.

IDEAS WORTH REMEMBERING

5 ideas

Audit your dating history to uncover repeating patterns.

Write a ‘yes/no’ list for every significant past partner, identifying traits you loved and red flags you disliked. Then look for patterns and ask, “What in me kept attracting this?” because you are the common denominator across all relationships.

Date alcohol-free to build genuine confidence and clear discernment.

Using alcohol to feel confident, sexy, or relaxed signals that you don’t believe you can access those states on your own. Taking a break from drinking in dating forces you to develop real social skills and ensures you’re actually attracted to the person, not the buzz.

Use dating apps intentionally, not as a boredom scroll.

Treat app time like a focused task: set a specific daily window to swipe and reply, and approach it with the mindset of “I’m looking for a partner,” not casual dopamine hits. Mindless use produces mindless results and low-quality matches.

Upgrade your profile with clear, recent, and honest photos.

Avoid heavy filters, group-only shots, or distant ‘action’ pictures; show your face clearly in most photos and include at least one full-body image. People should be able to recognize you in public and get a realistic sense of who you are.

Initiate conversations with thoughtful, specific questions.

Opening with “hi,” a lazy GIF, or a like forces the other person to do all the work. Referencing their profile or asking an open-ended question immediately signals effort and interest, and filters for people willing to reciprocate.

WORDS WORTH SAVING

5 quotes

What was the crazy in me that attracted that crazy five times?

— Amanda Kuda

You are the common denominator in all of your relationship failings.

— Chris Williamson (paraphrasing Mark Manson’s idea)

Anyone who drinks at a decent level has to believe that substance is either helping them achieve a desired outcome or avoid an undesirable one.

— Amanda Kuda

Mindless activity gets you mindless results.

— Amanda Kuda

You would much sooner be unhappy in a familiar way than risk being incredibly happy with something that’s new.

— Chris Williamson

Sober and alcohol-free dating versus alcohol-fueled datingEmotional regulation, childhood conditioning, and coping with discomfortDating pattern inventory and recognizing recurring red flagsIntentional use of dating apps (profiles, messaging, time management)Designing better first dates (e.g., walking dates, low-stimulation settings)Self-worth, neediness, and the belief that you are the prizeRecommended books and resources for deeper relationship and self-work

High quality AI-generated summary created from speaker-labeled transcript.

Get more out of YouTube videos.

High quality summaries for YouTube videos. Accurate transcripts to search & find moments. Powered by ChatGPT & Claude AI.