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Re:Thinking with Adam GrantRe:Thinking with Adam Grant

How to get someone to change their mind

The Ku Klux Klan is one of the tightest-knit White supremacist groups in America—once someone joins, they’re usually in for life. But since the 1980s, over 200 members have renounced their affiliation, and all give credit to the same man: a Black jazz musician named Daryl Davis. In this episode, Adam is joined by Daryl and Jeff Schoep, a former leader of the largest neo-Nazi group in the US whose life and mind were changed by meeting and befriending Daryl. They discuss techniques for challenging ignorance and prejudice, analyze the cognitive dissonance experienced by members of extremist groups, and reflect on the conversations with Daryl that helped Jeff think again. They also explore the limits of empathy and curiosity. Host & Guest Adam Grant (Instagram: @adamgrant | LinkedIn: @adammgrant | Website: https://adamgrant.net/) Daryl Davis (Instagram: @realdaryldavis | Website: https://www.daryldavis.com/) Jeff Schoep (Instagram: @jeff_schoep | Website: https://jeffschoep.com/) Join us in person at a TED conference: https://tedtalks.social/events Become a TED Member to support our mission: https://ted.com/membership Subscribe to a TED newsletter: https://ted.com/newsletters Follow TED! X: https://www.twitter.com/TEDTalks Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ted Facebook: https://facebook.com/TED LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/ted-conferences TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@tedtoks Podcasts: https://www.ted.com/podcasts The TED Audio Collective is a collection of podcasts for the curious. The TED Audio Collective videos may be used for non-commercial purposes under a Creative Commons License, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives (or the CC BY – NC – ND 4.0 International) and in accordance with our TED Talks Usage Policy (https://www.ted.com/about/our-organiz...). For more information on using TED for commercial purposes (e.g. employee learning, in a film or online course), please submit a Media Request at https://media-requests.ted.com.

Adam Granthost
Nov 21, 20250mWatch on YouTube ↗

At a glance

WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT

Change minds by offering perceptions, not attacking their reality directly

  1. People act on their perceptions as if they are reality, regardless of objective facts.
  2. Directly challenging someone’s reality tends to trigger pushback and resistance rather than change.
  3. A more effective persuasion strategy is to offer alternative perceptions instead of attacking the existing one.
  4. When an alternative perspective resonates, it can create cognitive dissonance that lingers and motivates exploration.
  5. Lasting change often happens through the other person’s introspection, not through external force or argument.

IDEAS WORTH REMEMBERING

5 ideas

Treat perception as the lever, not “truth” as the weapon.

People live inside the reality their perceptions create; trying to “correct” it head-on often fails. Work with their frame first, then expand it.

Avoid attacking someone’s reality if you want them to move.

Confrontation invites defensiveness and entrenchment. A less adversarial approach lowers resistance and keeps dialogue open.

Offer multiple perspectives so they can choose an entry point.

Presenting perceptions “plural” increases the odds that one will resonate. Resonance matters more than winning a debate.

Aim to plant a seed, not force an immediate reversal.

A compelling alternative viewpoint can stick and “ruminate,” continuing to influence them after the conversation ends.

Use cognitive dissonance as a catalyst for curiosity.

When a new perspective conflicts with an old one, the tension can motivate them to investigate and reconcile the mismatch themselves.

WORDS WORTH SAVING

5 quotes

One's perception is one's reality, and that is so indeed true.

— Adam Grant

Whatever somebody perceives is their reality. Even if it's not real, it's their reality.

— Adam Grant

You cannot change anybody's reality. And if you try to change their reality, you're gonna get pushback. You're gonna get resistance.

— Adam Grant

If you want to affect change on somebody's reality, don't-- It's counterintuitive, but don't attack their reality. Offer them a better perception or perceptions, plural.

— Adam Grant

Maybe I better change my path.

— Adam Grant

Perception as realityResistance to direct confrontationNon-attack persuasion strategyOffering alternative perspectivesPlanting a seedCognitive dissonanceIntrospection-driven change

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