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Dr. Shadé ZahraiSocial Anxiety: How to Speak Up in Meetings | Q&A with Shadé
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At a glance
WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT
Practical steps to overcome meeting anxiety and speak confidently at work
- Social anxiety in meetings often comes from fear of being watched, judged, or embarrassed, triggering avoidance and later regret.
- Not speaking up can reduce workplace visibility and credibility, creating a self-reinforcing cycle that harms confidence over time.
- A key first step is identifying and challenging unhelpful thought patterns such as catastrophizing and personalizing, then replacing them with rational self-talk.
- In-the-moment techniques—especially presence and deep diaphragmatic breathing—help interrupt the fight-or-flight response that causes freezing and mental blanks.
- Confidence grows fastest through graded exposure: start by asking simple questions, then progress to planned contributions, using small milestones to desensitize fear.
IDEAS WORTH REMEMBERING
5 ideasName the fear mechanism driving silence: judgment equals “danger.”
The freeze response in meetings is framed as an overactive threat system—your body treats scrutiny as risk, prompting shallow breathing, racing heart, and blanking out.
Watch for catastrophizing and personalizing—two common mental traps.
Catastrophizing turns one awkward moment into “career suicide,” while personalizing assumes everyone is focused on you, despite most people being occupied with their own concerns.
Don’t just “be positive”—build a rational counter-script and say it out loud.
She notes negative thoughts can overpower positive ones, while spoken affirmations are stronger than silent ones; the goal is a practiced, believable response like “I’m competent, I add value, I have evidence of success.”
Presence is a performance hack: focus on content and cues, not imagined evaluations.
Staying engaged with what others are saying (and their body language) reduces self-monitoring; once you spiral inward, it becomes harder to track the conversation and respond coherently.
Use breathing to reset your nervous system before you speak.
Deep, rhythmic diaphragmatic breaths signal safety to the central nervous system, lowering the physiological intensity that blocks voice projection and clear thinking.
WORDS WORTH SAVING
5 quotesSo it comes from this excessive worry and this extreme fear of, of being watched, being judged, potentially being scrutinized, or maybe doing something that lead to embarrassment.
— Dr. Shadé Zahrai
Unfortunately, if you're not speaking, people don't see you, you don't get the visibility... and you lose the credibility and the confidence... in other people.
— Dr. Shadé Zahrai
As soon as my head said, "You know the answer, you should speak," all of a sudden my body was sabotaging. My heart was racing. My mind went blank, and then... I couldn't even say anything.
— Dr. Shadé Zahrai
Negative thoughts are four to seven times more powerful than positive thoughts.
— Dr. Shadé Zahrai
The moment that we go into our heads, it is game over.
— Dr. Shadé Zahrai
SPEAKERS
Dr. Shadé Zahrai
hostCareer and leadership coach and psychologist who helps professionals overcome limiting beliefs and advance their careers.
Daniella
guestGuest participant asking about social anxiety and freezing up when speaking in meetings.
High quality AI-generated summary created from speaker-labeled transcript.
