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Simon SinekWhy Awkward is Awesome with psychologist Ty Tashiro | A Bit of Optimism Podcast
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WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT
Awkward People Have Hidden Strengths: Psychologist Ty Tashiro Explains Why Awkwardness Matters
- Tashiro describes awkwardness as a deviation from minor social expectations, distinct from introversion, and contrasts it with being 'socially fluent'.
- Awkward people can learn social skills by observing and practicing things like personal space (about 18-19 inches in the US) and eye contact (about 3.1 seconds on, one second off).
- Tashiro says awkwardness is about 53% heritable in boys and 39% in girls, and links it to obsessive interest, persistence, and extraordinary achievement.
- Sinek shares his strategy of choosing settings with different social expectations, such as small dinners instead of loud parties, and Tashiro endorses it and adds that getting the other person to talk two-thirds of the time works well.
- Socially fluent people can learn empathy, attentiveness to those who struggle, and determination from awkward people, and the conversation closes on Tashiro's generosity and self-reliance.
IDEAS WORTH REMEMBERING
5 ideasAwkwardness is not the same as introversion.
Tashiro says there is only a small correlation, and some people are awkward and highly extroverted, with awkwardness sitting at the ends of the bell curve rather than the middle.
Awkwardness is a gap between social expectations and one's ability to meet them.
Tashiro describes awkward moments as deviations from relatively minor expectations, which helps explain why adolescence, with its many new expectations, feels so awkward.
Social skills can be learned through observation and practice.
Tashiro studied people he respected and practiced at home, working on personal space and eye contact, comparing socially fluent people to speakers of a first language and awkward people to second-language speakers.
Awkwardness is linked to obsessive interest and achievement.
Tashiro says awkwardness is substantially heritable and correlated with extraordinary achievement, which he attributes to obsessive interest and persistence rather than greater intelligence.
You can choose settings that fit your strengths.
Sinek avoids loud parties and favors small dinners where expectations differ, and Tashiro calls the usual advice to 'just put yourself out there' unhelpful for awkward people.
WORDS WORTH SAVING
5 quotesI say awkward people really love what they love, right? Uh, to the point that they get obsessed with it.
— Ty Tashiro
awkward plus awkward is really awkward.
— Simon Sinek
socially awkward people are just as kind, they are just as trustworthy.
— Ty Tashiro
I think sometimes awkward people put the pressure on themselves to perform, but it's actually really getting the other person to perform
— Ty Tashiro
there's something to be said for not beating yourself up when you're bad in a place where the expectations are one. You can change where the expectations are and put yourself in a place where you're just gonna be naturally better.
— Simon Sinek
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SPEAKERS
Author and leadership speaker, host of the podcast A Bit of Optimism.
Ty Tashiro
guestPsychologist and author who studies social behavior and awkwardness.
High quality AI-generated summary created from speaker-labeled transcript.
