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ADHD Chatter PodcastHow To Manage Rejection Sensitivity - Dr. Samantha Hiew, PhD (4K)
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WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT
Dr. Samantha Hiew Explains Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria and How ADHDers Can Manage It
- Dr. Hiew traces RSD to insecure attachment, a lifetime of negative messages, and a nervous system that stores past hurts and flares up when a trigger resembles them.
- She suggests short-term tools such as sensory grounding with something cold, sweet or sharp, or calling a compassionate friend, plus longer-term work like therapy, internal family systems and building self-worth that doesn't depend on external validation.
- In relationships, she stresses self-awareness, emotional maturity and open communication, and says the sensitivity behind RSD also brings empathy, loyalty and depth.
- Biology and lifestyle shape reactivity: hormonal cycles in women, daily testosterone shifts in men, medication tapering, blood sugar, alcohol-disrupted sleep and general stress levels all lower the capacity to cope with rejection.
- She says disproportionate reactions, especially anger aimed at innocent bystanders followed by shame, can signal RSD, and that taking others' behavior less personally helps.
IDEAS WORTH REMEMBERING
5 ideasRSD reactions often stem from old wounds rather than the present moment.
Dr. Hiew says the nervous system stores memories, so a small rejection can bring back earlier feelings of not being welcome or loved, making the reaction bigger than the trigger.
Masking and constant adaptation can resemble trauma in the body.
She says research shows the daily adaptations ADHDers make look similar to PTSD in the nervous system, though she is clear she doesn't mean everyone with ADHD has PTSD.
In an RSD flare-up the thinking brain goes offline, so grounding must be strong.
She describes an amygdala hijack and suggests attention-shifting tools like ice, frozen juice or sharp tastes, which take planning, or calling a compassionate friend.
Long-term resilience means building self-worth from within.
She says self-esteem tied to being a people pleaser, high achiever or class clown makes rejection devastating, and recommends compassionate therapy such as internal family systems, with non-stimulant medication like guanfacine mentioned as an option some people use.
Relationships need self-awareness and emotional maturity from both people.
She notes partners may have different processing styles or be reacting to their own past, and says communicating honestly requires each person to own their part.
WORDS WORTH SAVING
5 quotesWe're not even responding to the person in front of us or the source of the reaction, the, the, the source of the rejection in that moment. We're reacting to something that we never got over a long time ago.
— Dr. Samantha Hiew
We have inherited increased sensitivity to the world because we hear more, we see more, we feel more, you know? And with that, it helps us see the things that no one else is seeing.
— Dr. Samantha Hiew
The reason we feel sensitive to someone saying no to us is because we have put our self-esteem outside of ourselves.
— Dr. Samantha Hiew
If we're always relying on external factors to keep us happy and balanced, then we're in for a really unstable time.
— Dr. Samantha Hiew
I think if we can separate that, then we won't take things so personally.
— Dr. Samantha Hiew
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SPEAKERS
Alex Partridge
hostHost of the podcast ADHD Chatter with Alex Partridge.
Dr. Samantha Hiew
guestPhD-level clinician and ADHD specialist focused on rejection sensitivity and emotional regulation.
High quality AI-generated summary created from speaker-labeled transcript.
