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Jay Shetty PodcastJay Shetty Podcast

Jada Pinkett Smith OPENS UP On Her Marriage & Struggling With Dark Thoughts

Today, we sit down with second-time guest Jada Pinkett Smith. Jada is a talented actor, producer, musician, host, author, and advocate whose career has spanned over 30 years.

Jada Pinkett SmithguestJay Shettyhost
Oct 16, 20232h 30mWatch on YouTube

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At a glance

WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT

Jada Pinkett Smith on Worthiness, Pain, Marriage, and Healing

  1. Jada explains that writing her memoir Worthy, which Jay Shetty persistently urged her to do, became a deep healing process built around her journey from unlovable to lovable.
  2. She describes growing up with young, addicted parents, being told by her father at seven that he couldn't be her father, and internalizing a belief that she was not enough, while crediting her grandmother and mother for planting seeds of love and belief in her.
  3. She speaks openly about a 2011 period of suicidal planning, the shame of being told she had no reason to be unhappy, and how a plant medicine ceremony ended those thoughts, urging others to keep going and to meet struggling people where they are.
  4. Jada describes her marriage to Will as a non-traditional, evolving partnership with several breakups, clarifies that it was not an open marriage, and says they are now life partners and best friends redefining what marriage means for them.
  5. On the Oscars, she says she wasn't upset for herself, takes responsibility for the narratives around her, recalls Chris Rock telling her he meant no harm, and hopes for reconciliation between the two men.

IDEAS WORTH REMEMBERING

5 ideas

Feeling unlovable can come from within rather than from parents' lack of love

Jada says she believed her parents loved her in the way they could, but at seven she internalized the idea that she wasn't lovable enough to be a priority, and she spent years trying to prove otherwise.

Success and fame don't solve inner pain

Jada thought becoming rich and famous would fix everything, then hit an existential drop when she was successful but unhappy, realizing that without an inner foundation it's all sandcastles.

Meet struggling people where they are instead of dismissing or fixing

Jada says telling someone they have so much to be grateful for deepens their shame; she suggests asking what's going on, joining them, and helping them find professional support while recognizing you can only do so much.

Deep friendships can exist without sexual chemistry

Jada says her bond with Tupac had no physical attraction, which gave it a purity with no agenda, where both could be honest and trust that the other would return after blowups.

Romantic love is an aspect of a higher form of love, not the highest itself

Jada believes a relationship anchored in shared divine love, friendship, and commitment to growth can hold difficulty better than romance alone, and she says she dissolved her romantic expectations of marriage.

WORDS WORTH SAVING

5 quotes

If your inner world is not your foundation, it's all sandcastles.

— Jada Pinkett Smith

You can be okay with your victories, and you can be okay with the inevitable challenges that life is going to deliver.

— Jada Pinkett Smith

People think that once you get to a certain level of success, you are exempt from the human experience.

— Jada Pinkett Smith

All this cancel culture and all of this, that is purely a rejection of aspects of ourselves and a rejection of humanness.

— Jada Pinkett Smith

I feel like Will and I are walking each other home as life partners.

— Jada Pinkett Smith

Read the available transcript
Writing the memoir WorthyChildhood with addicted young parentsSuicidal thoughts and plant medicineFriendship with Tupac without romanceStages of marriage to Will SmithOscars 2022 and the holy slapParenting Trey, Willow, and Jaden

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SPEAKERS

  • Jada Pinkett Smith

    guest

    Actress, producer, and author of "Worthy" (also known for hosting "Red Table Talk").

  • Jay Shetty

    host

    Host of "On Purpose," podcaster, and author of "Eight Rules of Love."

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