Choose Your Seven Humans Wisely with author Fredrik Backman | Simon Sinek

What if great friendships aren’t found by luck but built through effort? Bestselling novelist Fredrik Backman, the mind behind "A Man Called Ove" (adapted into the Tom Hanks film "A Man Called Otto"), "Anxious People", and the beloved Beartown series, has spent his career writing about the quiet power of ordinary people. But in his real life, he learned one of his most important lessons from his best friend of 30 years: meaningful friendship is a skill you develop, not a lottery you win. Despite being a self-described introvert, Fredrik discovered that you don’t need hundreds of friends. You only get a few humans who truly shape your life. His newest book, "My Friends", is a tribute to those relationships and the daily work of showing up for the people who matter most. In this candid and inspiring conversation, Fredrik and I talk about the healing power of friendship, why differences make relationships stronger, the value of having friends who edit us, and the joy of being genuinely happy for someone else. If you want to become a better friend and build deeper connections, this episode offers heartfelt lessons from one of the world’s most compassionate storytellers. This is A Bit of Optimism. --------------------------- This episode is brought to you by the Porsche USA Macan --------------------------- To check out Fredrik’s newest book, “My Friends,” visit: https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/My-Friends/Fredrik-Backman/9781982112820 Find the full-length speech Fredrik gave for Simon & Schuster here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NSuSyZ92Cjg + + + Simon is an unshakable optimist. He believes in a bright future and our ability to build it together. Described as “a visionary thinker with a rare intellect,” Simon has devoted his professional life to help advance a vision of the world that does not yet exist; a world in which the vast majority of people wake up every single morning inspired, feel safe wherever they are and end the day fulfilled by the work that they do. Simon is the author of multiple best-selling books including Start With Why, Leaders Eat Last, Together is Better, and The Infinite Game. + + + Website: http://simonsinek.com/ Live Online Classes: https://simonsinek.com/classes/ Podcast: http://apple.co/simonsinek Instagram: https://instagram.com/simonsinek/ Linkedin: https://linkedin.com/in/simonsinek/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/simonsinek Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/simonsinek Simon’s books: The Infinite Game: https://simonsinek.com/books/the-infinite-game/ Start With Why: https://simonsinek.com/books/start-with-why/ Find Your Why: https://simonsinek.com/books/find-your-why/ Leaders Eat Last: https://simonsinek.com/books/leaders-eat-last/ Together is Better: https://simonsinek.com/books/together-is-better/ + + + #SimonSinek

Fredrik BackmanguestSimon Sinekhost

Nov 17, 202558mWatch on YouTube ↗

WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT

Backman and Sinek on choosing friends and earning relationships daily

Fredrik Backman explains how his closest relationships were formed through real-life proximity and difference, not algorithms or perfect “compatibility.”
Backman’s best friend models friendship as consistent presence—showing up, offering time, and serving others—especially during grief or hardship.
They argue that strong relationships depend on doing the work on oneself: learning communication, setting rules for conflict, and continually re-earning trust and closeness.
The pair contrast healthy venting with social-media reactivity, describing friends as “editors” who help refine emotions into constructive truth.
Backman discusses humility, insecurity, and empathy—finding commonality with bullies and acknowledging personal flaws as a path to better behavior.

IDEAS WORTH REMEMBERING

5 ideas

Choose a small set of “humans” and invest deeply.

Backman distinguishes between “people” (strangers, like at the airport) and a handful of “humans” you choose; depth requires time, so you can’t sustainably do it with hundreds of relationships.

Be the friend you wish you had—presence is the currency.

Sinek challenges the idea that great friends are pure luck; showing up (“I’m here—give me something to do”) creates the reciprocal conditions for deep friendship.

Friends should function as editors, not amplifiers.

Venting to a trusted friend helps you externalize an exaggerated first draft of emotion, then refine it into what you truly mean—rather than using social media as an unfiltered outlet.

Healthy relationships require “rules of fighting.”

Backman and his wife agreed early that threats like “maybe we shouldn’t be together” are off-limits because they end discussion by introducing existential fear instead of solving the issue.

The real work in relationships is self-work.

Backman reframes “relationships take work” as working on your own communication, self-understanding, and emotional regulation, especially as both partners change over years and life stages.

WORDS WORTH SAVING

5 quotes

“You need people around you who edit you.”

— Fredrik Backman

“It’s not that I have to be with them. It’s that I want to be with them.”

— Fredrik Backman (quoting his best friend)

“The only thing I can give you is time.”

— Fredrik Backman (describing his best friend’s philosophy)

“The work is not on the relationship… The work is on you.”

— Fredrik Backman

“Humans, you have maybe seven humans that you chose… and then people are the ones at the airport.”

— Fredrik Backman

Friendship as “editing” and emotional processingShowing up: time, presence, and serviceRules of fighting and post-conflict reflectionQuantity time vs. quality timeLoneliness, intentional relationships, and effortHealthy self-deprecation vs. low self-esteemJantelagen (Swedish humility norms) and “crabs in a bucket”Empathy toward bullies by recognizing shared traitsInsecurity, fear of not being enough, and overworkingAuthentic communication vs. performative social media

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